Something has to change

10 03 2010

I have kinda unofficially committed to writing something everyday. Kinda like what all those goofball writers do on january 1. What happens come january 10? The really good ones hold out until february. Anyway, honestly my Chile speech went well. Everybody laughed at the last part about it rocking their world. To me that is success. I made them laugh. I want people to laugh, i want them to be happy. But i know that i try too hard. I know i annoy most people. If you are going to go as far as message me and wait for me on chat to send me crying emoticons saying you are sad that you arent my friend then i will mos def take you back. I deleted several people because i didnt see an online need to be friends with them so I just deleted them. So far I have gotten one friend request from Jewelya and then Bekkah did the whole IM SAD so i was nice and accepted hers.

But anyway i am (ive said this thousands of times before) turning my life AROuNd. For real this time. It was winter jam that made just be ON FRIKIN FIRE!! I am accepting my role in society as an adult and meshing with older people and not the younger teenagers. Most of the ones at the ollege intimidate me. A lot. I cant do much more than sit there and try not to giggle too hard. At csm recently I have been going but I have seriously been just horrible about everything. I am praying that this is not an attention thing. really to me csm is a safe happy place. Second only to Aron. And then they notice me unhappy which i dont like. Especially Sam. That guy is so cool. He keeps fist bumping my arm…

It all comes back to Aron. Nobody could ever be Aron. Just ask everybody who knows him. Can anybody find a twin for him? Aron is just so comfortable in himself that he doesnt feel a need to explain himself to everybody and their dog who thinks that he is weird. I admire him so much for that. He is so good to me that it makes me cry sometimes because it’s just WOW. I understand God being so good to me………but ive always thought that Aron should find another buddy. I dont feel that i measure up…

Anyway i am going to sleep now




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