Coming back to the whole ‘you can’t change peoples hearts’…. It just kills me to see perfectionists run themselves into the ground. I have two friends both Aarons (Aron and Eren) who do exactly that.
“my whole life I have felt like a failure, like I haven’t done anything right.” -Aron
“up until now I have had a perfect life.” -Eren
Perfectionism is different than having low self-esteem. It’s expecting yourself to be completely perfect in every way. It’s forgetting that we are human and make mistakes. That things won’t be perfect, that things won’t go the way we perfectly planned them. I have those perfectionist tendencies about me. I’ve taught myself to let go of most of them but I still have my moments where I spend hours kicking myself over something stupid I did or think about how I should have done better. How I wasn’t there for EVERYbody and how I didn’t make the complete most of my time etc… I’m working on it.
I found an old journal entry of mine “I was almost there. Perfect harmony with my brothers and sisters. Then cos of my immature, rash actions tonight it all backslides. It’s because I have a brain which I don’t use, and I have no heart because I don’t feel anything. Right now it just feels dead. I can feel it but it is heavy and dead'”
For some reason we believe that we can be everywhere for everybody and everything and be perfect at everything we do even when it comes to God. The problem is God doesn’t want a perfect us, he loves us all ragmuffin, battered and needing him. He delights in our presence even when it’s far from perfect. Sometimes even I forget that.
“Perfectionism is a disease that will eat away your insides until you are empty and have no soul.” -Camie
My name is Camie and I am a perfectionist…