Yeah that’s right, I hate writing titles. I wish I could just throw title writing out the door totally…grrrr
So what’s on my mind? Yeah I know it is not facebook… but what is on my mind. Well in music history class we are talking about gregorian chant and all that old music that is still used in the Catholic church, Episcopalian church etc… Now I want to go to a church that sings all that. Chris Tomlin, Michael W. Smith and all those people are pretty cool, but I want to try this new thing. I figured out that I can go to the Episcopalian church and my regular church if I go to the early service at 8:00am. I am rather nervous actually because the general gist I have kind of gotten growing up and stuff is that “Catholics” and all that stuff is bad. Especially from Sebastian. I think I am most nervous about having to tell him or him finding out that I’ve been going to mass with Philip or that I went to a different church early in the morning. Tonight I just feel that I don’t care. I really don’t……. care. BRING IT ON! I don’t feel that I can give up my current church because I know too many people there. It starts at ten so I can totally do two church services. If I get brave enough I may go to church with Philip and then my church. That would blatantly scream I’M GOING TO A CATHOLIC CHURCH.
Philip inspires me. I mean nine times out of ten people who I see him encounter are not Catholic and don’t agree with it but he doesn’t care. He truly believes it with all of his heart and I love that. I wish I was like that. I’m going to try and be like that. That was the main reason for my list of things I’m giving up.
Also the other thing is I really don’t have a good girl here to talk to. That’s not to say that all girls hate me or anything. I just don’t feel that I have a girl here at school that I can just talk to and they are just as excited to see me as I see them. It is driving me crazy. I’m going to keep looking but at this point, I am going to go the the Wellness Center tomorrow and talk to a counselor and just get checked out. Not because of any mental health issues or anything, I just am feeling stressed out and I want a girl to talk to, but I want that girl to be as into me as I am into her. I don’t know if I have too high of standards or something. But I’m stressing about stuff, and I’ve unloaded too many things that I really shouldn’t have on Philip and Brandon and it is showing from Brandon that that wasn’t a good idea. I’m just going to go and get checked out and talk about my stress. They evaluate you and then send you to one on one counseling, group therapy or MindSpa depending on what your needs are. I personally am betting I’ll be MindSpa’d or something.
A personal note: Bindu is excited and happy to always see me so that’s the level of girlfriend commitment I want but I barely know her and she’s a freshman so I don’t want to word vomit all over her.
Kate seems like someone I can talk to, but she doesn’t seem super available which is okay. I voiced one section of my frustrations to her and that has helped because she is experiencing the same thing since those frustrations are with a mutual friend of ours.
Lauren has been awesome but you really can only do so much when you guys are long distance.
And of course Eren and Philip have offered to be there if I ever need to talk about anything. Eren because he does it to me all the time, especially lately and Philip because he’s awesome like that but I’ve used him waaay too much. So I really think this is a good course of action. Yes I’ve been praying about it. I’ve been praying about the top things also. I’ve been thinking about that all summer so it’s not just something that popped up.
Oh on a side note I didn’t fail the Math Placement exam like I had thought I had. I got a score of a two that gives me a high enough score to take remedial math or college algebra with review [five day a week class]. I can take it again, so I will and with Eren’s help and I will do ALL the sections just to try and qualify for higher stuff and then just take the stuff I want. Grrr so complicated. Math and I have a rocky relationship.