What if we were real

15 12 2011

School is over yay! I’m excited. Part of me is glad that it’s here but part of me didn’t want to leave Lubbock and lose the structure I have. I’ve been trying to think of things to do over winter break.
-Sew
-learn how to do chocolate
-practice Spanish
-practice piano hardcore
-practice spending time with God
That’s all I’ve got for now. I just don’t want to be a complete lazy bum over the break and if I don’t plan what to do I’ll end up doing nothing.

I’ve decided people sleeping is the cutest thing ever… Or people being vulnerable and open in general. When you hear them talk about their fears and worries, you see a whole new side of them. They are trusting you with a deep part of themselves hoping that you won’t laugh and smash it into a million pieces. I love listening to people when they get to that point. That’s where I’d they have a selfless side you see it… If they have a huge passion for something that’s where you see it… I wish this world wasn’t so cruel, that way people could open up more. I even am guilty of closing myself off to most people. If you knew a lot of my habits you would assume I was a creeper {I have been accused of that several times}, but honestly I just like seeing people at a deeper level than the mask they put on for other people.

I wrote earlier about my place with God. How I’m dissatisfied with modern Christians and I’m trying to find the authenticity.
This semester I’ve been trying to be authentic with myself. Now I’m breaking out and being authentic with other people. I can’t know the feelings and just hide them. There are a lot of people who frustrate me and I feel they just use me because they are bored and want to hang out. They are killing extra time they have and wasting my time. It’s one thing if I really have free time and want to chill with people but I often think that other people have the consideration for time that I do. As Bobby said most of us make the mistake of assuming that other people are like us and think like us. I am a very sweet person and I like doing things for people such as giving them my time, listening, etc… but lately I just feel used by several people. The solution I can think of is to be more of a bitch and not so polite. We will see how this goes.

I went to the big whoopdeedo Carol of the Lights. Not sure why everybody freaks out over it except for the tradition part. I’m not sorry I didn’t go last year. I doubt I’ll go again in succeeding years. I met up with Janay and then we met up with Kate, Rachel, Monica, Blake and Jessica from the Lutheran Student Center. The fun part about it is that we went back to the Lutheran Student Center and hung out for a while. That was really enjoyable. We watched Chevy Chase Christmas Vacation. That is my kind of funny movie. The humor doesn’t HAVE to revolve around dirty stuff but it’s not stupid humor either.

We watched the movie The Help. That movie was incredible. It’s depiction of treatment of black people in the 60’s was horrifyingly chilling. One household installed a second bathroom so the “colored help” could use it and they wouldn’t catch the special diseases they carry. They however didn’t seem to care that the same people slaved away taking care of their children and touching them. This ‘disease’ thing only popped up when it was convenient for them.

Because of frigid temperatures and ice on the roads class was postponed until 9:30. My final was supposed to be at 8:30. They rescheduled and they had the final on dead day. I didn’t realize you could do that. Either way that meant I got a lazy day with my first class at two. I now see why people who don’t have early classes never get up early.

Songs I am loving
Tobymac – Captured
Disciple – The Wait is Over
Maroon 5 – Never Going To Leave This Bed

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